Monthly Archives: April 2010

Pick Up Artist

Aidan explaining to some girls why he wasn’t at school the other day:
“Yeah, I had diarrhea. I pooped in my pants three times.”

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Aidan’s Cup Runneth Over

So baseball season is upon us and the kids are playing catcher this year which only means one thing: lots of errant balls! Coach (husband) instructs the parents to get all their boys cups for protection.

So I take the kids to Dick’s (insert proper jock strap joke here) Sporting Goods for my first cup shopping experience. I try to explain to Aidan what this contraption is and how it will protect his privates during a game. He then takes this opportunity to insert “PENIS” into every comment and question while we are perusing the baseball section.

“So mom, do you think this green one will look good on my PENIS?”

“Hey, do you think the one over here will fit over my PENIS?”

“Why does this say pee-wee size? Is that good for my PENIS?”

“Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Those over there must be for boys with big PENISES.” (Okay, gotta admit that finally catches my attention. Who knew there were so many sizes for so many endowments? The larger they got, the more they reminded me of Jason masks. Or of my husband’s sleep apnea mask.)

Straps, shorts, sliding pads, briefs… the options were dizzying and I found myself squeezing the cups to see if the gel pads really were more cozy than the rubber option. Of course, I get busted by Aidan as he is lying in the aisle laughing his PENIS off.

I grab a $25 testicle festival and get the hell out of there.

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