For Better or For Worse

Nothing says “I love you, schmoopie” like being greeted at the bottom of the basement stairs by a plastic grocery bag crammed with my husband’s sweaty clothes from a lunchtime workout. Usually I trip over them the day after they were flung down the stairs, so the contents are nice and ripe and slimy. I go into Bomb Squad Mode, carefully pick up the plastic explosive and shake the contents into the poor washing machine. If I am really lucky, a Speed Stick will also fall into the machine and I have to dig it out with my hands while holding my breath.

As much as I love being the laundry wench, I have my limits. If the shirt goes into the hamper inside out, it gets folded inside out.  And I am not proud, but I do discriminate.  Aidan is still challenged when getting dressed and could care less when his pants are on backwards. I turn his clothes right side out. Eileen’s clothes are so small that they are easy to flip. Except the skinny jeans that my flabby arm gets stuck in. Those remain inside out.

Mine? It depends on how lazy I am that day. Often I dump the clean laundry in the middle of the basement hoping that it will fold itself. (In my husband’s defense, when I ask him to fold the laundry — without rolling my eyes or sighing — he will help. Often, Eileen’s days-of-the week underwear end up in my basket but I take it as a compliment that he believes my butt is that small. Or maybe he thinks I need reminders to change my drawers.)

When it comes to Tom, forget it. I gave up. How it ends up in the hamper/floor/Jewel bag is how it gets folded. (And before you go thinking that I am a total A-hole, I recently found several other gal pals who also are on strike and leave their husbands’ clothes inside out.) He’s a big dude (6’3”) and I am a borderline, card-carrying dwarf (5’), so I have to stand up to turn his clothes right side out. Besides, I figure that he will eventually get the hint to submit his clothes in the proper fashion.

Well, not so much. He recently wore his polo inside out at work until one of his coworkers brought it to his attention.

Awkward? Yes. Lesson learned? Nope!


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7 responses to “For Better or For Worse

  1. Angela Gemini

    I absolutely had to respond to this (btw, very enjoyable with my morning coffee). Two comments: first, I threatened to drive downtown and throw my dirty socks on my husband’s office floor every day. He was leaving his on the family room floor and this is where I spend my day. So the socks are now (usually) thrown down the stairs to the basement as well. Progress, not perfection, right? Secondly, after much nagging about my son’s dirty, smelly socks being put in the hamper inside out for the maid to process (yours truly), I finallly created an invoice (Microsoft Word did the trick) and charged him $1 per inside out sock. The invoice was left at his place in the kitchen, and he had to cough up $6 that day for a small load. He has NEVER, to this day, left another inside out. In fact, one day while putting on his jacket he feverishly threw down his backpack, asked if I was doing laundry that day, and ran upstairs because he “forgot something”. If only the others were that easy to train.

  2. Tee

    In more than 20 years of marriage, the ONLY thing I’ve found effective is to totally not do the laundry unless it’s presented in the proper way. When a spouse or child is faced with no clean clothes and a mountain of dirty laundry to turn right-side-out…well, it usuallly only takes once for this problem to be solved.

  3. Tara Albin

    Okay, so I have to throw in my two cents. My husband has a way of removing his T-shirts and polo’s in such a way that they are essentially tied in a knot. Through my frustrations on laundry day trying to untie the knotted clothes, I have tried to figure out exactly how he does it. I have no clue. When I mentioned to him to try and remove his clothes without knotting them he looked at me like I was a moron. Seriously, if he did the laundry he would find out.

    • I am sitting here trying to envision what the hell he must be doing to make a knot! Are his arms crossed when he pulls his shirt off? Is he playing Twister? Is he double-jointed? That must be maddening!

  4. Ronnie

    thanks. greg and i are now arguing about how we fold the laundry… :o)

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